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Happiness Is A Warm Gun [prendre deux]


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Jameson Orlav

Jameson heard her speak. Of course he did. His hearing had piqued once he'd learned how to control his abilities. He could hear the thumping of the bass from the television. The steps of the raccoon that ruffled around in the trashcan outside. The most exciting sound though, the one that sounded out above all the others and enticed him beyond recognition, was the sound of her heartbeat. The man paid no attention to her words when she bothered to admit to him just how bored she grew, and how quickly. Maybe he'd have picked up a hint of something in her voice if he cared at all about her or her urges. In hindsight, maybe not the best idea. But how could he have known?

She was so close, he could smell the sweat that beaded over her fair skin. When he looked at her, he saw his dinner, marinading before him in a most enticing display. He nodded when she spoke, but didn't respond, and he allowed the next few moments to play out exactly as he'd imagined they would in his head.

This was a mistake on his part. Jameson had become too accustomed to the careless, easy meals he'd often found in the Bayou. To the men and women who put themselves on the internet in the hopes of finding love or companionship. To regular, uninteresting human beings. Soon, he'd find out that Theodora was none of these things.

She took his glass, setting it on the coffee table. The vampire could not deny that he derived some sort of satisfaction in her ability to be direct. He didn't care for games. Hadn't ever cared for playing coy or self-effaced.

And then, she took the situation into her own hands.

Her lips found his, and Jameson didn't fight them. His body lulled, digesting the moment as it unfolded against him. She moved slowly, and he allowed her too, until his course hands tangled into the dark waves of her hair, and the urgency of their embrace grew wildly. She bit him, and her teeth pricked the skin of his bottom lip. Even though breathing was futile, he drew in a large breath, his gaze shifting as a frenzy began to build in the pit of his stomach. Jameson's jaw clenched and all at once, he'd acquired a painful appetite for her blood.

Theo came back at him with the same fervor as before, except now it was blood-lust that fueled Jameson's actions. He became less gentile, fingers raking through her hair and tugging enough so that her neck was fully exposed to him. He dipped his head and brushed his lips over the sweat slicked skin, and as she began to speak to him, a darkness had taken over his regularly chestnut colored eyes. He was ready to strike, incisors long and sharp, and ready to tear in to his meal.

But she suddenly jerked him back, pressing him into the couch with her body nearly flush against his own. It was then that Jameson felt the movement of her shoulder; her other hand attempting to hold him in to place as the woman jerked suddenly and stabbed a steel blade into the base of his sternum.

Jameson howled, his growl ripping through his chest in a loud, frightful manner. The face he wore was different than the one she'd invited into her home. His appearance was ungodly. Demonic. Pissed off. Before Theo could jam the blade into his heart, he dumped her off of him with all of his might, sending her back into the coffee table with almost enough force to crush it beneath her weight.

"B-tch..." He husked, standing tall with a jagged exhale as he pulled the knife from his chest and sent it sailing toward her. "Here I am, trying to show you a good time, and this is how you repay me?" He spat, angrily, pressing his fingers against the healing wound and waving his bloody fingers at Theo. "You're going to wish you hadn't done that."

Jameson snarled, knee's bent slightly as he prepared to pounce, "For a few seconds at least. Until you're dead."
November 28, 2018 02:01 pm

Theodora Hawthorne

Many things, all of them unexpected, happened very quickly. Despite what was portrayed in the movies, a knife thrust to the heart (when executed correctly) would instantly kill the victim; they wouldn’t even have a chance to scream. So, when the anguished howl from her would-be dinner was screamed into her face, she was admittedly quite surprised. Her initial thought was that she had missed his heart, but that wasn’t much of a problem. She could still finish him off. It’d just be a little messier.

However, she was then thrown powerfully from their intimate position onto the floor, smashing painfully into the coffee table with a dull crunch of the wood on the way down. Their wine glasses toppled onto the floor, spilling their contents onto her large, handwoven carpet. This would have caused significantly more distress, had she not then realized the massive mistake she’d made.

One of many these days, but this one was probably going to kill her.

Gasping at the rush of pain from being thrown, she struggled to slide herself backward as she tried to regain her senses - she’d hit her head quite hard on the floor.


The ragged sound of his voice reached her as her back pressed into her bookcase, followed quickly by the thin whistle of something being thrown with incredible strength toward her - her knife. It buried itself to the hilt into her right shoulder with a sickly thump just below her collar bone, snatching a cry of astonished anguish from her throat.

This was not going to plan. Had she accidentally lured in James f-cking Bond?

Her hand immediately went to her shoulder, her fingers quickly becoming slicked with her own blood, and her head whipped up toward Jameson, expecting another blow. What she saw made her blood run cold.

He looked human, but.. not. His face was demonic, lips stretched across deadly fanged teeth in a furious snarl. Adrenaline shot through her veins, and her bloodied hand gripped at the cruel pendant hanging around her neck as though it were a rosary.

She’d invited a vampire into her home.

“You’re going to wish you hadn’t done that. For a few seconds at least. Until you’re dead.”

Well, he was certainly right about one thing. She did wish she’d been a little more discriminating about her dinner this evening. But she’d feel her regret for a little longer than a few seconds.

Blood trickled slowly down her hairline from where she’d hit the floor, and her rapid breathing was staggered by hoarse, irrational laughter that bubbled up with no preamble.

“Did you think I was going to be your dinner?”

Her question was punctuated by yet another round of breathless laughter, the irony too much for her more than likely concussed brain, although it died down after a moment as Jameson crouched for the kill.

“Well.. we’ll see.”

Theo’s grip tightened upon the four inch long claw at the end of her gold chain, and the lines of her form immediately began to blur. She was no werewolf - there was no painful ripping of flesh nor cracking of bone. The transformation was smooth and swift, happening right before Jameson’s eyes, although the exact moment she went from human to ursus arctos horribilis was impossible to pinpoint.

The wooden floorboards creaked and complained under the sudden burden of the animal’s immense weight as it rose to its feet, although there was not enough ceiling height for it to rise to its hind legs. Theo’s clothes lay in tatters upon the floor, although the knife remained embedded in the creature’s hide.

There was now a hungry grizzly bear in the middle of the living room.

Yes, she was reckless. But she always had a contingency plan if things went sideways.

This was it.

There was a pregnant pause as the two monsters beheld each other, chests heaving. However, it wasn’t broken by the crash of an attack. It was broken by a knock on the door to the beat of ‘Shave and a Haircut’.

Theo’s actual date for tonight had arrived. Very, very late.

Both of their gazes were drawn to the door in the utterly bizarre moment, and like any typical Chad found on Tinder, the man rudely tried the door handle when there was no immediate answer and, upon finding it unlocked, let himself in.

“Helloooo? Theo? Sorry I’m late, I-”

The sound of his excuse was cut off by the pressure of a grizzly bear’s maw crushing his airway. Yes, Jameson probably should have been the priority, you know, being the vampire in the room and all, but the only thing that crossed Grizzly Theo’s mind at the sight of her guest was this:

December 03, 2018 02:55 pm
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