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Summer S Summers's Blog Entry



 
 

Blog Entry
 
Thursday, Mar 16, 2017
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

    Room number 213

    Day Two

    “So what brought you here, Summer?” His voice was low and smooth, like honey on a knife.

    She had started by sitting on the low profile couch, but had slid down and was now laying across it, head propped on the remarkably firm armrest. Legs bent at the knee, her bare feet burrowed between the cushions. Staring up at the ceiling, she regarding his question as she examined the swirling pattern. These places all looked the same. The faux comfort, yet just uncomfortable enough to make a person not want to stay too long. Flexing her toes, she replied, “Because I wanted to. For no other reason than that. I made the choice and I did it.”

    “You sound proud of that.” His voice was soft yet filled the small room.

    A very small smile lifted the corners of her lips. “It does make me proud. There is a sense of real freedom with it.”

    “Freedom? Does that mean by not making this choice, you were less free?”

    Less free. She let the concept roll around on her tongue and in her mind. It tasted like an old penny. Familiar, yet very much distasteful. Licking her lips, she gazed out the large window. A jacaranda tree filled the entirety of the view. “Yes, less free is correct.” Rolling her head on the arm rest, she looked at him. “My parents used us as barter to pay off a drug debt. Given to very terrible people.” She picked at her fingernail, thinking about it. He let the silence hang, giving her thoughts air as though it were a fine wine. “That is how we rated. Their own children, gladly surrendered to be free of financial obligation. When the brothers came to pick me up, it wasn’t overly dramatic. It wasn’t a kidnapping, not by the looks of it anyway. I went with them because my parents said I had to. I didn’t realize it was for good, a permanent move. I thought I was going in for a pickup or something.” She laughed. “That was the norm, you know. Sending their teenage daughter to pick up their drugs. Hey, it made me very acquainted with the ins and outs of the business now that I’m an adult.” An adult with the same predilections as her parents. Addiction having a heavy genetic influence, right along with one's environment, Summer fell into it easily and without much thought otherwise. So easy to forget it was a disease gifted by nurture and nature combined.

    “And how did that make you feel, when you learned it was permanent?” He inquired.

    She laughed lightly, the sound incongruous with the topic at hand. “Like yesterday’s trash. I was taken to their uncle. They called him ‘Papa’ but he wasn’t their father. He took a liking to me. He thought they were idiots. Told me he’d have them leave my siblings alone if I stayed with him, like the nice girl I was. Another lie.” She gazed out the window again, face impassive. “They escaped at some point, my siblings. A few years later. After I’d been turned, after we'd all been turned. Vampires, can you believe that? That’s some bullsh-t. I learned they escaped because the brothers were ranting and raving about it to him just outside my door.” Summer looked at her fingers, examining the hangnail with much interest. “Maybe they didn’t know I was there."

    "Who didn't know you were there- the brothers or your siblings?"

    "Both, really. But I meant my siblings. Maybe they didn't know I was holed up as a prized possession, sitting on a shelf to be used on a whim. It wasn’t their job to save me.”

    “But it was your job to save them?”

    She didn’t answer. “I plotted my own escape, scared out of my mind. Here I was, kept like a wh0re doll, given anything I could ever want. Except autonomy and choice, of course. Tiny details.” She laughed again, this one a bit more bitter. “I knew their schedule. I was so compliant they didn’t even think twice about leaving me alone. Even after the others had escaped. Yes, they truly were morons. I stole the car and drove off.”

    “What emotions did that bring up?”

    “Freedom, mostly. Exhilaration. Nervousness. I mean, until I crashed the car. A f-cking branch right through the chest. Can you believe that sh-t? That is some f-cked up luck. To be fair, it wasn’t like I got much practice driving locked up in that room.” She scoffed a little. “It’s funny- I feel those same set of emotions whenever I’m on stage at work. Free, nervous, and exhilarated. Huh. Maybe there’s something there.”

    “But you came back? Back here to earth, that is.” He kept focused, keeping the conversation on track.

    She nodded, biting her bottom lip. “Yes, as you know.”

    “Why? What drew you back to this place?”

    “I wanted to make sure they were alright. I wanted to be with my family again. So I returned. Found them.” Her voice grew tight, rigid.

    “And then what happened?”

    “They’d all fallen in line behind this...demon. Like little mindless ducklings, following his command. I found it very odd, given our upbringing and the more recent events. Why were they following some guy when they’d so soon escaped the clutches of manipulative as$holes?” Her voice was high and tight, like a power line crackling in a storm.

    “How did that make you feel?”

    She gritted her teeth, finding his line of questions annoying and trite. Despite it, she continued. “Hurt, angry, excluded. So I started thinking of ways to join them. Sought you. Considered becoming like him. A demon.” She glanced over to him.

    “But you didn’t. Why?”

    She paused again, thinking of how best to answer. “I spoke with Winter not too long ago. I told him how I felt isolated, alone. He said he thought everyone joined that coven because it was a place they could all be safe together as a family.” Her eyes narrowed and she looked at him across the room. “Except it wasn’t “all”. There was one missing. Me.” She gazed out the window. Again, she paused, letting the implication sit there. She didn’t need to say the words, what it meant by “all minus one”. Sitting up, she looked at him and said, “They had a wedding celebration for my sister. It was a coven thing. I’m not supposed to know about that, about the secret coven party.”

    “How did you find that out?” His voice went up an octave at the end, betraying his intrigue.

    Her lips twisted in a sardonic smile. “Baby, I’m a genius and nobody knows it but me.” She chuckled, amusing herself greatly. She wondered if the flies on the wall would get the joke.

    “So...you weren’t able to attend your sister’s wedding celebration. How did that make you feel?”

    She gave him a flat look. “Would you f-cking knock it off? You’re not my f-cking shrink. You’re Abbadon, for crying out loud. Old Scratch. Satan.” She held up her hand and made devil horns, a fierce look on her face. She chortled.

    He laughed, the sound so beautiful, she could see why people would follow him into the fiery abyss. She didn’t though, she’d been able to resist. Scrunching up her face, she looked at him oddly. “Side note- how come you are so….normal with me? Or rather, ‘douchey shrink’ right now, but at least semi-normal most of the time.”

    He chuckled and ran his hand through his thick, dark hair. “I present myself to people depending on the individual and the situation. You and your situation called for something a bit more subdued. Accessible. Familiar, even.”

    She let out a little puff of a laugh, finding that rich. She didn’t want to think about it too much, about how all the other stories about how he was portrayed were very likely correct. He really could be that gruesome. Of course he could, he was the devil after all. She gave her head a shake, staying in the present moment and getting back on track. “It made me realize that I am a lone gunman. It is just me, all alone. I came into this world alone, I’ve already left this world alone once before. I came back for only one purpose. But that isn’t me any more, that purpose doesn’t exist. Choices have consistently been made about my existence without my consent. No longer. Even my becoming an angel wasn’t my choice.” She gave him a stern look. Not angry, just stern. “But changing again would be for someone else. I won’t do that. No matter how sh-tty heaven was.” She cackled and grabbed her pack of smokes, lighting one. “And f-ck me, it’s sh-tty.”

    “Of course it’s sh-tty, they kicked the coolest angel out ages ago.” He grinned and winked before chastising her. “I don’t think you’re supposed to do that in here.”

    Her eyes rolled back hard as she exhaled a large plume of smoke. “Oh yea, like you’re big on rules.”

    “It’s a filthy habit, more like.” He stood up and put the notebook he’d been writing in on the credenza of her posh hotel room. “What about now? You aren’t alone.”

    “I’m trying to quit.” She muttered. Narrowing her eyes as she regarded him, she spoke softly, “I am still alone. But I’m not isolated, I’m not an island. I suppose a guy who oversees such a populous afterlife destination wouldn’t see the difference.”

    He gave her a noncommittal shrug but laughed. “A distinction without a difference, really. But your point is a fair one. I do oversee the largest group of humanity’s souls. It’s the hazard of telling people that their sins will be forgiven by God. I get a lot of souls.” His laugh was low and utterly wicked. It made the baby-fine blond hair on her arms stand up. “Alone, but not lonely. Not on a rock, left to wither.” He looked back as he opened the door. His face held a nearly regretful expression. “My offer remains…”

    Watching the cherry of her cigarette glow, she glanced up and looked him square in the eye. “And my choice remains. I’m home.”   


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